Bachelor(ette) Party

I can’t believe what happened today. Right before opening the yoga studio for my class this morning, I received a call from my colleague and studio owner, Mario. “I just wanted to tell you that a group of 10 girls will be trying your class today. They’ve already paid,” he explained.

“What kind of group?” I had a strange feeling in my gut.

“Well, it’s a group of friends…they all know each other…you’ll see.”

I didn’t like this answer one bit. “It sounds peculiar,” I said.

Mario paused and giggled just slightly, I could see him smiling into the phone. He was thinking “Ha, ha, ha. You’re a fucking sucker! Eat it!”

“What kind of group?” I asked again since he was not going to elaborate.

“It’s just a group of girls doing a wedding party for their friend.”

This was very strange. “Is this something you are going to start offering regularly?” I asked.

“No, no. It’s just this one time,” he replied.

“Okay,” I answered with hesitation. “Have any of them done yoga before?”

Mario paused, “Ummm. I think one or two of them have…”

I did not like this one bit. I opened the studio and greeted my students who came every Monday morning. Soon it was time to start class but the group of girls had not arrived. I stood in front of my class, “Today we have a group coming. They are not here yet, so we are going to start a little late,” I explained as I walked back to the front desk.

Five minutes later, I heard laughter coming up Rue des héros, my favorite street. A group of girls walked in. One was blind-folded.

“Hello,” said one of the girls with a professional camera in her hand. The whole group broke into laughter. “This is a surprise for our friend. She doesn’t know where she is,” the camera girl gestured to her friend. The blind-folded girl stood in anticipation and smiled shyly. She wore a fluorescent orange t-shirt. Her friends had written all over it in black permanent marker. Things like, “I’m forever screwed” or “Life is now over.”

“Oh, okay,” I replied thinking to myself “Great, my yoga class is a funny activity for the bride-to-be. Gee, I am so lucky.”

“Sorry we’re late. Is there a place for us to change?” the girl with the camera added.

“Sure,” I said, “Class is about to start. How long do you think you’ll need to get dressed?”

“Two minutes,” she said and a trail of girls giggled their way into the dressing room.

I walked back into the yoga room. My regular students and I sat in anticipation. We listened to the group of girls whispering and cackling in the dressing room. While the group of girls changed their clothes, I decided to talk to my students, something I normally don’t do, but I was feeling so irritated. I could no longer contain it all. “Today, class will be a little special,” I began, “Mario decided to send us a group of girls for their bachelorette party and most of them have never done yoga…I’m not exactly okay with this but I’m going to make the most of it.” I typically did not express myself like this, so it must have been a little worrisome. “I will most likely keep it basic today so just bear with me.” I smiled an unhappy smile.

The group of gigglers made it into the room. Two girls helped the blindfolded girl into a sitting position on the mat. My students watched the bride-to-be. With one swift movement, the girls removed her blind fold. Mystery activity revealed! She gasped and looked around. She looked pleased as she took in the colorful room and all the people around her. She glanced happily at each of her friends. They giggled again.

“Here it goes,” I said to myself, “the party has begun.” We started our yoga class as usual. I wondered if they thought it was funny, ridiculous, or peaceful. I could not say. They seemed to be enjoying themselves though one of the girls had an incredibly hard time making her body do what the rest of us were doing. When I’d ask the class to sit up straight, she would hunch her back and melt over. When I’d ask the class to stay on their stomachs with their hands on the floor, she would place her forearms on the mat and pull herself up in a discomforting way.

I tried to show her the safe way. I tried to adjust her. I tried to get her to look at the students around her and copy her friends who seemed to “get it”, but she was completely out-of-tune with her body. I could almost see her having a semi-out-of-body-experience. It was as if she was observing her body and asking it in utter confusion, “Why won’t you do what I ask? Why?”

Half-way during the class, the bride-to-be got teary eyed and tried not to cry. One of her friends patted her on the back. She wiped her eyes. I wasn’t sure if yoga had been the catalyst. Had yoga released her bottled up emotions? Or was she just touched in general by what her friends had organized for her?

During our routine, hardly any photos were taken. But, as soon as we got into “Happy Baby”, a pose on our backs holding our feet, the photographer assumed her role. I think she had been waiting for this type of funny pose the entire time. Unfortunately for her, we didn’t do any funky moves or shaking or whatever she might have expected.

(Important side note: While all of this was going on, I also had a new student who wore a veil the entire session. At one point, she dramatically rolled into a ball complaining of abdominal pains. And my favorite, she asked questions and made comments at inopportune moments. She was the cherry on the Tequila Sunrise at this party and she was even wearing red pants.)

After class ended, the bride’s friends put the blindfold back on her. She would not see where she was as far as neighborhoods go. The group of girls got dressed and thanked me as they left. “That was excellent,” one of the girls even said.

After they left, I called Mario and basically told him to never do that to me again. He pleaded he didn’t know there would be cameras and blindfolds. But, either way, he didn’t give a shit. I just wanted him to know that I would not be doing that again unless it was a private group.

I took a couple deep breaths. The class had been good for my students, or so it seemed. It had not been good for me, but I had accepted my situation and done the best I could. It was over and done with. No need to think about it anymore, was there? Except for one little nagging feeling occurred as I tidied up the empty room. I kept thinking, “Wow! This will be a great story to tell.” And that, my friends, is my Bachelorette party for you (with a veiled cherry on top).