Mona Lisa & Van Gaga

Yesterday while assisting my two and half year old daughter, Claire, in her arts and crafts class, I couldn’t help but overhear her teacher. Now, keep in mind, this is a class of three little girls between the ages of 2.5-3.5 years old. I have nothing against their teacher. This is the first time she has worked with children this age besides her own children, that is. Her experiences prior were mainly teaching sports to seniors and handicapped children. She runs her own non-profit organization and recently began offering art classes to all different age groups in several Marseillaise neighborhoods including the poorest ones.

We have done amazing projects with her, but they are all activities way beyond the capacity of a toddler. "What color do you want?" the teacher asks Claire. She doesn’t show Claire the choices available, she just asks as if Claire has a stock of colors in her head and can answer by saying, “I’d love a cobalt blue, please.” Claire cannot tell you if her socks are yellow or red though if you give her a choice between the two by showing her, she will say, “Ummm, that one!” and choose on her own.

Toddlers also don’t have the longest attention span either. So, half-way through one of her painting activities, Claire will put her paint brush down and say, “All done.” Then she gets off her chair and proceeds to run to and fro. Sometimes her tiny Madagascarian friend, Tziki, will join her and together they run from the door to the art table innumerous times while we, the mothers, finish their projects. In fact, the mothers must do about 80% of the work. This is fine as I enjoy doing something creative and colorful and tactile with Claire, but this class is not supposed to be a “Mommy & Me” deal, not really.

We’ve done elaborate decoupage projects, as well as mosaics, moldings of sand on canvas and the obligatory Christmas decorations. Once, their teacher handed out scissors and asked the children to cut tiny strips of paper. Just the control of using two fingers to open and close a tiny device surpasses most two and half year old abilities. Add the task of cutting a straight line and it is impossible. Therefore, the mothers did the cutting while the toddlers sat in their chairs swinging their legs. “I think scissors are a little hard for them,” I mentioned.

“Oh, the important thing is to expose them to as much as possible,” answered the teacher.

Fine by me. But in the end, the children watched us do their project. What happened to finger painting or merely gluing things in an unstructured way? Toddlers can collect leaves and sticks to make a collage, for example. But I am not the teacher.

The class passes relatively in silence as 2.5 year olds don’t speak too much. Sometimes I speak with the teacher and I’ve concluded Tziki’s mother is a mute. She does look up and smile sometimes and if you ask her a question, she will give you a one word answer.

Anyway, yesterday while Claire happily squeezed a tube of glue and Tziki was jumping up and down singing; the teacher started talking to her new assistant, a specialist in art history. (Note: It behooves all arts and crafts teachers to hire an art historian, especially when the class involves toddlers) Well, I overheard the most bizarre discussion. The assistant said, “I think we could teach a little more during the class instead of just having them do projects.”

“Oh, yes?” asked the teacher.

“Yes. For example, we could bring in some well-known portraits and expose the children to some real art.”

“Hmm. Yes, that could be interesting for them.”

“Like, we could show them Mona Lisa or Van Gogh and discuss it,” explained the assistant who obviously could not bare the lack of intellectual stimulation on her first day with toddlers. She continued her logic. “They could be learning a little more about art than just making things, you know?”

“Yeah. That’s a really good idea!” smiled the teacher.

In my head, I was saying, “Are you out of your bloody minds? Let our kids have fun, play, and touch and feel things, discover colors, textures. Why the need, now, for Van Gogh? Do you really think they’ll sit quietly and listen while you hold up a picture of Sir One Ear and explain style? Wake up! Do you think a 2.5 year old can discuss art?”

Claire herself is just beginning to speak in full sentences, a mixture of English and French, “C’est hot.” Or “Cat entre dans la maison!” (The cat has come into the house!) Of course, she also says all the simple things like “Poop” or “Mine” or the infamous, “Why?”

Maybe Tziki could look at the portrait of Van Gogh and say, “Man”, and then cry afterward if she is frightened or perhaps get up and start running back and forth.

I’m all for children listening to all styles of music or visiting an art expo and a museum. All for it! But, please don’t try to discuss it afterward, come on! Let our toddlers have their own experiences, simply. When did arts and crafts ever introduce art history? Even as adults, we do not expect nor want a lesson in art history after we finish a fucking coffee platter. Shut up! Let me just get my hands dirty and space out a little.

I’m curious to see how these two dames will pull it off. In fact, I remember Oprah had a children art teacher on her show once. She pointed out that children do not necessarily like “children art”, that is, yellow bears and dancing elephants. So, to prove her point, she propped up five or six posters on the set. Some were famous paintings like Monet and others were children themes. She asked several children from the audience to come up and stand by their favorite picture. Most of the children chose “real” art when given the choice. Now, these children were easily 7-11 years old and I am all for letting children choose their own art as I am for them to choose their own clothing.

In fact, Eva my five year old, is wearing a bikini top under her three long sleeve shirts today since it is winter and all. I guess I just don’t like the whole lecturing and discussing part of it all. ”Now Eva, you have chosen a red and striped bikini top made of a poly-cotton blend. How does it feel on your skin? What does the mix of red and white stripes do for you? Are you aware that Van Gogh liked red and white stripes too? What is that? You don’t know who Van Gogh is? Well, here is a portrait of him. You see? He chopped his ear off, he was…What is that? You want me to make a pony tail for you? But wait. I’m telling you about Van Gogh!”

I did make a comment, by the way. First, the teacher turned to me and said, “I think next week we’ll bring in some real art and talk about it. That could be really interesting.” So, I said, “Well, considering their age, I don’t know if they’ll really listen.” To which she replied, “Well, we’ll try and see.”


So, let’s see what happens next week, shall we?