Olivia Fig Newton

When I was little, my father would often say, “Don’t be so serious, kid!” For whatever reason, he seemed to say this often as a way to cheer me up when I was being too hard on myself or feeling down.

I grew-up when Olivia Newton John was big. Her songs were often on the radio. When one of her songs would come on, my dad would ask, “Is this Olivia Newton John or Olivia Fig Newton?”

“Olivia Newton John!” I’d say.

“No,” he’d say, “I think it’s Olivia Fig Newton, her sister.”

“Are they twin sisters?,” I once asked.

“Uh-huh," he replied. And this is how I began to believe that Olivia Newton John had a sister. Sometimes I'd get suspicious and ask questions, but my father always had an answer.

“Dad, why are they both named Olivia?”

“I guess their mother couldn’t come up with anything better," he said.

Every time one of her songs came on, my father would ask, “Is this Olivia Newton John or Olivia Fig Newton?”

If I thought it was Olivia Newton John, he would tell me I was mistaken and that it was Olivia Fig Newton. If I thought it was Olivia Fig Newton, he'd tell me, "No, it's Olivia Newton John." So, I assumed their voices were slightly different and only my father could hear the difference.

One day I was at my friend’s house and an ONJ song came on. My friend said, “Oh, Olivia Newton John!”

And I said, “No, it’s her sister, Olivia Fig Newton.”

Somehow, my friend’s mother overheard and started laughing, “There’s no Olivia Fig Newton. That’s just silly!”

And I said, “Yes, there is! Olivia Newton John acts and her sister Olivia Fig Newton sings.” (I came up with this logic in a heart beat; it sounded good. For how would I explain that both sisters sang and acted? They were twins after all so my friend’s mother would never be able to tell the difference!)

“Fig Newton, like the cookies? Who told you that?,” she asked still laughing.

“My father," I said surprised she didn’t know about this.

“Oh!,” she started a whole new round of laughter, “He was joking. He was just joking with you! There’s no Olivia Fig Newton!”

“It’s true,” I said defiantly. The first thing I did when I got home was run and ask my dad if what my friend’s mom said was true. I was shocked there might be only one Olivia. How could my father have tricked me like this?

“Dad?,” I asked, “my friend’s mother said there is no Olivia Fig Newton!”

He leaned back and let out a high-pitched laugh, “Come here, kid," he pulled me into his arms and hugged me.

“Dad, is it true? You made that up?,” I stared at him incredulously.

He stared back at me, eyes twinkling and through his laughter managed to ask, “You believed me all that time?”

“Yes!”

He smiled, unaffected that his daughter had just been humiliated. More likely, he was quite entertained by the story and the humor of it all. How funny for him to find out contrary to his beliefs of my playing along with him, I had been taking Olivia Fig Newton for a real person! I guess my dad was right. I was too serious, kid!